Lee Mr. HA

CHAPTERS OF LIFE

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A year full of challenges

Believing in Saturn year or not, I’m sure this year will be the closing of
my major changes…at least no recurrence until another 5-7 years.
During this course of life, I start to question a lot of things that I used
to be affirmatively confident in… My goal of life, my career passion, my
capabilities, my retirement plan. But I ought to be proud to say there’s
one plan I’m certain about - to marry my beloved and spend the rest of my
life with her.
In order to help clear my mind, I have to shake off the mindset of being
too trapped with what others judge or criticize on me. Start improving what
I have been procrastinating. Need to gain back my confidence by targeting
at what I am avoiding.

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Being optimistic

It is sometimes difficult to convince myself to be optimistic when my mind
is worried as Hell. (Don’t know why my phone keyboard insists that word
must be in capital). The more you hate uncertainties, it happens to you
especially when you sort of anticipate the worst of it.
Understanding that life moves on, at times my ego is just my worst enemy.
He makes me think, make me panic, confused and frustrated.
Despite all these happen, I ought to thank my beloved for being there for
me and boosting my confidence. Also I have to admit I do push myself to
bring the best in me..being in my little comfort zone definitely can hinder
my progress while increasing the chance of procrastination.
My mood is similar to the horribly fluctuated weather these days. I ask
myself if I have gone through the sufficient preparation, though the
question remains how to determine the satisfactory level?
I see that as a gamble. 2 components to winning in gambling: luck and
skills. Let’s just see how much of the former I have as I can’t measure it.
Good luck to me!

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Dear diary,

Lately I have walked to a crossroad without a traffic light. I am confused,
concerned and even start to lose direction of where I should continue.
However I am thankful for the friends who are being supportive and help
guide me back to think and live in my own skin again. I have been acting
like a fool who rush in speeding things up and ended up breaking something
that might be un-mendable… Find myself in situations of speechless but
still talking. What was said rather be unsaid.
Never experienced feeling blank but thinking a lot. Insomnia is creeping
in…I was not in such condition for at least 3 years now.
Hope things settle soon where they should be. I will keep trying to be the
best I can…at least I convince myself to be.

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Worries can drain energy

It has been…I don’t know when it started…that invisible pressure has
been on my shoulder. It keeps asking for attention. My mind is full of
thinking but without a productive thought. Fortunately I did not have to
experience sleepless nights as worrying about what I should do and how I
need to do it. The interesting finding is that I lost the ability to sleep
in. Yes I call it ‘ability’ because even my biological clock refuses to let
me sleep the unexpected hours. 8 hour sleep apparently does not seem to
replenish as par to the requirement of energy level needed per day…well
my day of worrying

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Outside vs inside

If you were to ask what people value most in a person, majority would say
it is their personality or something to do with their internal thinking so
called “inside”. Are we all speaking our true minds? I have a second
opinion.
Let’s put it this way. How do you feel walking into a dull, dimmed, poorly
decorated house? Or what is your first thought when looking at a messy,
nasty coloured plate of food? I guess you have the answer. This is called
perception that everyone has in him/her. Now bring it back to a human. What
people do value is the outside quality at their first impression, then the
inside shall be evaluated…just like the house, just like the food…

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I might be the best…

Is the grass greener on the other side? If I stay here, I will never find.
Recently the negativity keeps growing in my thoughts. The financial
worries, the depreciation of my own value, the creep of my own laziness,
the horrible news of people becoming more and more selfish… Some are
inevitable though some are within my hands. I don’t know what I’m waiting
for. Perhaps I’m confused of what next step I should take. Realizing the
truth is just the beginning; acknowledge it and move on seems to be not as
easy as other philosophers talked about.