It has been…I don’t know when it started…that invisible pressure has
been on my shoulder. It keeps asking for attention. My mind is full of
thinking but without a productive thought. Fortunately I did not have to
experience sleepless nights as worrying about what I should do and how I
need to do it. The interesting finding is that I lost the ability to sleep
in. Yes I call it ‘ability’ because even my biological clock refuses to let
me sleep the unexpected hours. 8 hour sleep apparently does not seem to
replenish as par to the requirement of energy level needed per day…well
my day of worrying

If you were to ask what people value most in a person, majority would say
it is their personality or something to do with their internal thinking so
called “inside”. Are we all speaking our true minds? I have a second
opinion.
Let’s put it this way. How do you feel walking into a dull, dimmed, poorly
decorated house? Or what is your first thought when looking at a messy,
nasty coloured plate of food? I guess you have the answer. This is called
perception that everyone has in him/her. Now bring it back to a human. What
people do value is the outside quality at their first impression, then the
inside shall be evaluated…just like the house, just like the food…

Is the grass greener on the other side? If I stay here, I will never find.
Recently the negativity keeps growing in my thoughts. The financial
worries, the depreciation of my own value, the creep of my own laziness,
the horrible news of people becoming more and more selfish… Some are
inevitable though some are within my hands. I don’t know what I’m waiting
for. Perhaps I’m confused of what next step I should take. Realizing the
truth is just the beginning; acknowledge it and move on seems to be not as
easy as other philosophers talked about.